I was invited to a pretty neat party last weekend and had fun for the short time I was there. What wasn’t the best, though, was that everyone started singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall just as I arrived. I can appreciate the concept and the commitment and there really were 99 bottles of beer on the wall, but still…
So, yeah, you can cross intermittently mouthing along to 96 of the 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall with a group of strangers off my bucket list.
This month’s mix is called October 2009 Mix. It’s kind of a timeless naming convention, so why mess with it?
Here’s why the October 2009 Mix is right for you:
01 Let’s Burn One Down :: Weed Diamond
02 Belong :: Washed Out
03 I Gotta Get Smart :: El Perro del Mar
04 Upside Down :: Banjo or Freakout
05 Animal Tracks :: Mountain Man
06 Pale Blue Eyes :: The Velvet Underground
07 The First Days of Spring :: Noah and the Whale
08 Beach Town :: Le Loup
09 Drowning Men :: Fanfarlo
10 Dinosaurs :: The Maccabees
11 Dens :: Holiday Shores
12 Slow Fade :: Desolation Wilderness
13 My Heart :: Wildbird & Peacedrums
14 Nadine :: Fool’s Gold
15 Esma :: Menahan Street Band
I was joined by an interesting woman while waiting for a bus last night. She was about 5′4″ tall and, generously, 220 pounds. Perfectly round and dressed in a black-on-black sweatpants jump suit, she had to lean back to waddle briskly to the bus stop. The woman was sweating like a stutterer at a speed dating hookup and made it difficult for me to look away while she bowled toward me and panted, “I have to make it to Party City before they close tonight!” Alright. I glanced down the street and saw the bus was only a few blocks away, so I tried to reassure her. “The bus will be here in a minute and it’s not even 7:30. You’ll make it to Party City, no problem.”
With some hysteria, she insisted, “I have to make it to Party City before they close!” What could she so urgently need at Party City that couldn’t wait until the morning? Piñata candy? A dozen Finding Nemo birthday cone hats? A box of plastic spider rings? Plus, she clearly wanted me to ask for her to explain, right? So I asked why she desperately needed to get to Party City before they closed on a Monday night. Apparently, “I have a Halloween party tomorrow night and need a costume. I have to get to Party City before they close!”
My first thought was to try to calm her down. It crossed my mind to suggest, “You don’t need to buy a new costume. You could go dressed as a cannonball. I mean, if you don’t mind wearing the same outfit two nights in a row.” Not good though, right? So I stalled and made an exaggerated glance down the street to see if the bus was any closer. It hadn’t made any progress since the last time I checked, so I reconsidered my advice.
My new approach was that if I couldn’t put her at ease about her chances of making it to Party City before it closed, I could at least point out the absurdity in having to find a costume three weeks before Halloween. Kind of shift the blame to the party’s host for putting her in a pinch, you know? Finally offering, “You’re going to a Halloween party three weeks before Halloween? Man, those are always the best. Legendary. I went to a Halloween party last August? I’m still hung-over!” I’m trying to hint that it’s not her fault that she doesn’t have a costume yet; it’s three weeks before Halloween! How many people already have their costume set and ready to go? But then, of course she had to let me know, “Well, it’s my Halloween party.”
With that, I should have felt like a terrible person for pressing the conversation and ignorantly making fun of her Halloween party. But since I’m disinclined to take responsibility for what I say, at the same time, how could anyone host a Halloween party so early in the season? Isn’t my cynicism justified?
Not only am I right, I’m angry and can think of three reasons why this Halloween party is going to be a disaster: (1.) The pantsjumpsuited woman in charge doesn’t have a costume for her own party (2.) that no one cool will ever consider attending because (3.) it’s being held on a Tuesday night (October 6th), more than three weeks before Halloween. Which are also the three reasons why I must find a way to get invited to this party.
Now I just have to figure out how to get to Party City before it closes tonight.
Avi decided that she wants to be a bumble bee for Halloween this year and that her sister, Lilly, should go as honey. I need to sit down for a minute. The overwhelming cuteness is making me light-headed.
I’d like to nominate the one where someone sarcastically points out that the fat ass at McDonald’s just ordered one of everything on the menu, then added a Diet Coke as the most played out joke of all time. Any other contenders?
Trendsetters and fashion experts (are all going to) agree, Inverted Tan Lines are “The New Sexy”. If you don’t know yet, people with Inverted Tans have completely pale skin all over their body except for a deep tan in the shape of bikini briefs on their crotch. You should really consider jumping aboard this trend with me before it takes off.
I told my parents I’d consider online dating, so I began replying to every w4m Missed Connection posting on Craigslist. I’m hoping to find a woman into bald men and liars.
Words that haven’t been spoken since 1992: Make mine a Michelob
In: The phrase, “Don’t get fresh with me”
Out: The phrase, “I Know Funny”
One of these days, I’m going to invent technicolor tinted glasses that make everything look like it’s being captured on Kodachrome film. Everything will look 1950s romantic and well manicured. Everyone I see will always be well dressed in pressed shirts, pocket squares and pleated skirts (not all at once).
Until then, though, there’s this August 2009 Mix.
America, America This Is You:
01 Lion’s Mouth // Arthur & Yu
02 Sun Was High (So Was I) // Best Coast
03 A Bunch // Pikelet
04 Intergalactic Solitude // Bachelorette
05 Knight of Wands // Au Revoir Simone
06 Technicolor // Nurses
07 Walkabout // Atlas Sound
08 Mickey Mouse // Wavves
09 Collector // Here We Go Magic
10 Green River // Real Estate
11 Harder Than It’s Ever Been // Fergus & Geronimo
12 Vacationing People // Foreign Born
13 Be My Girl // Smith Westerns
In: Pellegrino Limonata
Out: Freitag bags (Thank goodness; they’re hideous)
On Saturday, September 12th, it’s going to be a Thriller, Thriller night because Dan, Alex and I are throwing a party at our apartment.
It’s the unofficial 9/11 Commemoration Ceremony Afterparty!
Come and experience: Sweltering heat! Stale air! Entitled adults!
It should be pretty fun though: It’ll be like 15 blocks of the Puerto Rican Day Parade crammed into one tiny apartment.
Mark Your iPhone’s calendar app:
What: Party at Dan, Alex and Jeremy’s Apartment
Date: Saturday, September 12
Directions: Take the R, F or G train to 4th Ave/9th St
Details: 9pm-ish start / BYOB / Friends of friends welcome
We hope you can make it!
Topical Insult:
Oh, I love your blog! I read it through my RSS reader all the time.
Unacceptable Porn Name:
Venn Diaphragm
Exciting Entrepreneurial Opportunities:
Subway restaurant-scented cologne
Ice cream trucks that play the Star Wars Cantina band song
Sports Salad Bar
Math Joke:
If Annie Lennox sang about mathematics, her band would be called Logarithmics
